Nightmares
by elljayx
Summary: One year PostNFA. Buffy and Angel don't speak but when she's in jeopardy, will he swallow his pride and help her?
1. The Past

'AAANNNNGEEEELLLL!'

Angel awoke with a start, sitting up sharply and panting heavily, Buffy's scream still echoing in his head. Every night for a week he'd had the same nightmare. Always the same. Buffy was being tortured, beaten, in a dungeon. He tried to get to her but she was too far away. Just as he was getting closer, her torturer slid a knife into her stomach and she screamed his name in agony.

He reached over for the phone, pausing slightly when his hand closed over it. At first he thought it was just a nightmare. But now it was worrying him. The same nightmare every night. What if it meant something? What if it came true? He was afraid to call her. They hadn't spoken for a year. Not since Buffy came to help him after the battle…

_Angel: What are you doing here?_

_Buffy: I just heard what happened, I came to see if you were alright_

_Angel: I'm fine. And I don't need you here. You didn't come when it really mattered!_

_Buffy: What are you talking about?_

_Angel: I rung you so many times, begging Giles for help, but nobody came. And now they're all dead! Now there's just me and Spike! _

_Buffy: Angel, I didn't –_

_Angel: Don't say anything. I don't want to hear it!_

_Buffy: Stop it! You think you have a right to be upset? What about me! Did it never cross your mind to tell me Spike was alive! Did you even consider ringing me to let me know! I deserved to know! But no! You were just so jealous –_

_Angel: Jealous! Please Buffy. That's in the past. We've both moved on now. You're with the Immortal, and I'm with Nina. Why would I be jealous?_

_Buffy: N-Nina?_

_Angel: Yeah. Nina. My girlfriend. You couldn't expect me to spend forever brooding over you, Buffy_

_He saw hurt cross her features and her bottom lip trembled. He cursed himself for saying it, but just couldn't bring himself to take it back. Of course he still loved her, and of course he was jealous of her and Spike, and of her and the Immortal. And the truth was, he hadn't seen Nina since before the battle. But he was angry, and he was hurt. He'd lost almost everybody he cared about. And the only other person who meant anything to him, Buffy, had abandoned him. _

_She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again, angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes._

_Buffy: You know, I…I actually came here to help you. I came…I came because I was worried about you and you…you just say those things to me…I didn't know there was battle, Giles never told me you'd rung. I thought you knew me better than to think I'd abandon you…guess I was wrong_

_He took a step towards her and she put a hand up, moving away from him._

_Buffy: Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me again_

_She turned to leave, then looked back at him. He could see a few stray tears on her face and his heart clenched with misery._

_Buffy: I'm sorry they died. I really am_

_Then she left him… _

He wanted to stake himself for saying those things to her. But he was still angry with her. Even though she was telling the truth and Giles probably didn't tell her he'd rang, he was still angry. He had to be angry at someone.

He never rang her. Not even when, two days later, the Powers granted him his Shanshu. More than anything he wanted to go to her and apologise, take comfort in her and feel the perfect, pure happiness he had only experienced twice in all his years. But he didn't. She didn't want him, and he knew there was too much between them for them to just start over. It didn't work like that. He couldn't just show up, say 'hey look I'm human' and expect her to accept him. Too much had happened. The curse, Angelus, the Day that Wasn't, Darla, her death, Spike, Nina…

He snatched his hand back from the phone. How could he ring her? She never wanted to see him again, he knew that much from their last meeting. But what if she was in trouble? He sighed to himself. He knew Spike would ring her, even though the two of them didn't exactly get along any more either. Spike had seen her a few times over the last year, but, true to his word to Angel, he never mentioned Angel's Shanshu.

Angel moved his hand back to the receiver, picking it up and staring at it. He didn't know what to do. What would he say? 'Hey Buffy, I've had a few dreams about you being tortured'? Yeah, he was sure that'd go down well. And he didn't particularly want to ring Giles either, not after what he'd done to him. Then he had a brainwave. Willow. He'd ring Willow.


	2. Sacramento

Just a short one this time. The next one will be longer, I promise!

Willow: Hello?

Angel: Willow, hi. It's Angel

Willow: Angel!

Angel: Yeah, look –

Willow: Why are you ringing? You know, you really upset Buffy –

Angel: Willow –

Willow: When she came back here she was a wreck! You're the only person who does that to her! She went to help you and you do that to her!

Angel: Look, Willow I really don't have time to debate how much of an asshole I am!

Willow was silent and Angel sighed in relief. When she spoke again her voice was tense.

Willow: Well, what do you want?

Angel: Every night for the past week I've had nightmares…about Buffy  
Willow: What happened?

Angel: She was being tortured and I couldn't reach her. Then he…he killed her and she screamed my name…

Willow: Who killed her?

Angel: I don't know. I just wanted to check she was alright

Willow: She's fine. And I really don't think that could come true

Angel: Why not?  
Willow: Because she screamed your name

Willow said it so matter-of-factly that Angel winced. It was true though, why would Buffy scream for him when she died?

Angel: You're right. I was just…I was worried

Willow: She's okay Angel

Angel: Well, I guess she's got the Immortal to protect her anyway

Angel couldn't help the tinge of jealousy that came out with that. But he was surprised when Willow snorted.

Willow: Not likely. She dumped him when she found out he was plotting to kill her. It was this whole big thing

Angel: WHAT! Did she kill him!

Willow: No. I think she's got this thing with not being able to kill evil ex-boyfriends

She said this pointedly, aiming it at him and he winced again.

Willow: Look, Angel. I promise, if anything happens, I'll call you, okay?

Angel: But how will I get there in time? Rome's not just down the road from LA

Willow: We're not in Rome anymore

Angel: Well where are you?

There was a long pause and Angel waited impatiently.

Willow: Sacramento

Angel: Sacramento? You're in California!

Willow: Uh…yeah

Angel: Why didn't anybody tell me?

Willow: Well you didn't exactly leave a great impression last time you and Buffy met! She came home broken, you honestly expected us to ring you when we moved here in case you wanted to visit some time!

Angel was silent. She had a point. A good point.

Willow: I've got to go Angel. I'll call you if there's a problem, I promise

Angel: Thanks Willow

Willow: I'm not doing this for you

Angel: I know

He put the phone down and rested his head in his hands. She was right. He'd hurt Buffy a lot. He always did. Which was why it was best they didn't see each other again, and why it was best for her to never know about his Shanshu.


	3. She's Gone

Four nights later…

Angel got back from a case and collapsed, exhausted, in bed. Not long after the battle he'd reopened Angel Investigations, though being a human it was much more difficult to keep up with the cases; he wasn't as strong as he used to be. Lorne, feeling guilty for what he'd said to Angel, came back for a few months to help him set it up.An hour later, Angel thrashed in his bed, his brow furrowed and drenched in sweat.

_He was running through a cemetery, fear coursing through his veins. He could see them swamping her now, they were dragging her off. She was trying to fight them off but there were just too many. She spotted him and her eyes widened in hope. _

_Buffy: AANNNGGGEELLLLL!_

Suddenly she disappeared and Angel woke up, gasping. This nightmare was different and he knew, he knew she was in trouble. He jumped out of bed and pulled on his black pants and black jumper, diving for his keys. He had to get to her, he had to save her, before his dreams became reality.

Willow rang Angel, her hands shaking slightly. Dawn, Faith and Wood stood next to her, worried. She cursed him under her breath, why wasn't he answering! She tried twice more but there was no answer. Just as she was putting the phone back down, there was an impatient knock on the door. She hurried to answer it and Angel rushed in, fear written on his features.

Willow: Angel! She's gone, Angel!

Angel: I know. I had another dream

Faith: Hey big guy

Angel: Faith, hi

Willow: You came in

Angel: Yeah…

Willow: I didn't invite you. How did you get in?

Faith: Not to mention it's daylight

Angel looked down. Damn. Dawn looked up at him and stepped closer, her hand outstretched. She laid her hand against his chest, then pulled it away.

Dawn: You're human!

He nodded, unable to speak.

Willow: Human! How?

Angel: Um…a…prophecy. Now, please. What happened to Buffy?

Faith: We don't know. She went out last night and never came back. What did you dream?

At that point Giles ran in.

Giles: I looked down near the – Angel

Angel: Giles

The tension in the room was palpable and everyone looked at each other uneasily.

Giles: What are you doing here?

Angel: I had a dream about Buffy, I was worried

Giles: That's a first

Willow: Look, he's here to help Giles, and we need all the help we can get

Giles glared at Angel but didn't say anything, sitting down instead.

Willow: Good. Now Angel, what happened in the dream?

Angel: I was running towards Buffy in a cemetery. Demons took her and I tried to get there in time but…

Giles: What type of demons?

Angel: I'm not sure. I've never seen them before. They were tall, very tall, at least seven foot; and a grey colour

Faith: Do you know what cemetery it was?

Angel: No, I've hardly ever been to Sacramento. Unless…

He turned to Willow, a hopeful look on his face.

Angel: Is there a spell you can do, to look into my mind and see the dream?

Willow: Yes, there is one. But it could be dangerous for you

Angel: Do it

Willow: But –

Angel: Do it, Willow


	4. You Are Always On My Mind

Half an hour later Willow and Angel were sitting cross legged on the floor facing each other. They were surrounded by candles and a circle of red powder.

Willow: You sure about this?

Angel: I'm positive

She took his hands and closed her eyes, gesturing for him to do the same. He tried to relax and open her mind, like she had instructed him to do, then gasped loudly when he felt her enter the outer walls of his mind. He quickly brought the dream to the front of his mind, giving Willow access to it.

Willow started to pull away from Angel's mind when she noticed other memories pushed into her without Angel's will. They flew into her mind, overcoming her with their strength of number.

_- Buffy was stabbed and screamed Angel's name loudly_

_- Buffy and Angel laying on a kitchen table kissing_

_- Buffy was licking ice cream of Angel's chest_

_- Angel holding Buffy as she cried, telling him she'd never forget_

_- Buffy and Angel arguing_

Willow concentrated on the last memory, knowing she should withdraw, but not able to. She saw Buffy walking away from Angel, saw the pain on Angel's face. She heard a voice from outside her body distracting her. She quickly pulled away, panting with the effort.

She heard hitched sobs and looked forward to see Angel crying, his head in his hands. She didn't know what to do so she moved closer and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Faith was moving closer, kneeling down next to him and pulling him to her, holding him against her. He clutched to her, crying.

Angel: She didn't remember. They took it away from me and then she died anyway. She…she died. And I couldn't protect her, I wasn't there…she came to help me and…and I pushed her away…I hurt her and I-I didn't mean to

Faith: Hey, ssh, it's okay

Angel: What if she dies? I couldn't b-bear it. I love her so much

Everyone in the room was silent, watching the scene before them. They couldn't believe Angel was crying. Strong, silent, brooding Angel was crying. After a few moments he calmed, extracted himself from Faith, got up and walked from the room, leaving everyone in shock.

Dawn: What was that about?

Willow: I'll explain later. Right now we need to get to Wakefall Cemetery. That's where Angel's dream was

Faith: I'll fetch him. He'll want to come too

She walked from the room and found him leaning against the kitchen counter, his back to her.

Faith: Angel

Angel: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost control like that

Faith: It's alright. We all lose control sometimes

Angel: Not me

Faith: Willow recognised the cemetery. We're going now, you coming?

Angel: Yeah. Yeah I'm coming

He pushed off from the counter and walked out of the house, ignoring the furtive glances the others gave him. On the way, Willow moved closer to him.

Willow: What I saw, in your mind. Did it really happen?

Angel was quiet for a moment then looked over at her.

Willow: I thought so

Angel: It happened, but I took it back. Nobody remembered but me, so it never happened

Willow: Oh my god Angel

Angel: Don't Willow. I just…I just want to forget it ever happened…

Then he looked down, a small sigh escaping his lips and he carried on in a whisper.

Angel: That's a lie. I never want to forget

Willow: She wouldn't have wanted to either

Angel: It's too late for that

His eyes told her not to push the issue so she dropped it, feeling an increasing sense of respect for the ex-vampire. He'd given up everything he'd ever wanted for Buffy. He'd given up his chance at happiness and humanity for her. And he still loved her. She knew it, she could sense it. When she'd entered his mind, it almost smelled of her, she could sense her everywhere. She was all Angel thought of.


	5. I'll Save You

When they got to the cemetery, Angel immediately hurried forward, leaving the others running to catch up with him. He got to the middle and stopped abruptly, leaning down and picking up the small silver bracelet.

Angel: Buffy…

Willow: There was a portal here. I can sense the magic

Angel: She was taken into another dimension? Can you open a portal?

Willow: I can, but there's no telling what dimension it is until Giles works out which demons they were. Besides we need some supplies. I need to get back to the house

Angel opened his mouth to argue. Didn't they see! They didn't have time! Buffy was in another dimension somewhere, being tortured, maybe dying; and Willow wanted to go home for supplies. But when he saw the look of anguish on her face he shut his mouth quickly. He'd forgotten she was Buffy's best friend. There were other people who cared about her other than him.

They made their way back to the house and began pouring through books, looking for the demons. Angel and Giles avoided each other, not wanting to speak about what had happened.

Faith: I know you blame yourself for what happened, but it's not your fault

Angel: Everything that's ever happened to her has been my fault

Faith: And I could say almost the same thing. Angel, you can't keep blaming yourself. She didn't

Angel: She did. She might not have said it, but I know she did. And the things I said to her…

Faith: You upset her, that's true. But you know what she did when she came back? She asked Giles why the hell he hadn't told her you'd rung. She didn't blame you for what you said to her, she blamed Giles. She said you had every right to be angry because she'd let you down

Angel: She never let me down

Faith: If you just stopped being so damn self pitying, maybe you'd see the truth

Angel: What truth?

Faith just looked at him, sighed and walked off to sit with Wood. Angel was contemplating going after her when Dawn looked up from her book, a triumphant smile on her face.

Dawn: I think I got it!

Willow stood a few feet in front of the others, her eyes closed in concentration as she mumbled. Angel looked around, thinking how strange it would look if someone walked through the cemetery at that moment. There were 15 of the best slayers, along with Giles, Dawn, Faith, Wood and him. He twitched nervously. Giles hadn't wanted him to go along, saying that as a human he would slow them down. He'd then pointed out that Dawn, Wood and himself were human so unless he was willing to stay behind too, then there was no way he was going anywhere.

Dawn had begged to go into the dimension, but none of them would allow it. Buffy would go insane if they let Dawn go into a demon dimension. So she begrudgingly agreed to stay outside the portal helping Willow.

Suddenly the air shimmered and a portal opened. Willow turned to them and gestured for them to go in. She'd stay out and make sure nobody closed or affected the portal. Angel made his way through, stumbling as he landed on solid, concrete ground.

He and Faith led the group through, relying on Angel's dream and his 'Buffy sense' to find her. Suddenly he stopped. He could feel her, she was afraid. He might not be a vampire anymore but when it came to Buffy, he could feel her emotions, human or vampire. He turned to his right and motioned to the others to follow him.

They entered the cave he'd seen in his dream and there she was. Tied up. Afraid. He felt anger boiling into an all consuming rage as he saw the demons hurting her. What right did they have? He let out a roar and charged, not caring that he was human anymore. He was more than a match for them. He saw Faith and another two girls release Buffy. Then suddenly her eyes fixed on him and she screamed his name loudly. He was confused. She was safe, why was she screaming his name?

Then there was pain. A knife slid through his back and he arched, his mouth open in a cry…


	6. Never Stopped Loving You

Buffy broke away from the others and ran towards him quickly grabbing an axe off one of the girls and beheading the demon. As Angel fell to the floor, she grabbed him, falling to her knees with him. Her arm supported his head, while her free hand slid round his back to press on his wound. Her hand was shaking as she tried to stop the blood flow and saw the colour leave his face.

Buffy: Angel. What's happening? You shouldn't be hurt this much. It was a blade, you're a vampire. It can't kill you. It can't!

Angel: Human…

Her eyes widened her breath caught in her throat.

Buffy: No, Angel. Please

Angel: I'm sorry. I…didn't mean it. I love…you

A few tears ran down her face and she called to Faith, who immediately came over and helped her get Angel to stand. He winced in pain and lent heavily on the two Slayers as they slowly dragged him out to the portal.

As soon as they were back in the graveyard Buffy shouted for someone to call for an ambulance, once again cradling Angel in her arms.

Buffy: Just hold on, Angel

Angel: I'm sorry

Buffy: I know. Don't talk, okay?

Angel: I need to

Buffy: Angel…

Angel: Never stopped loving you…I was just…upset

Buffy: I know, you had every right to be

Angel: Not at you

Buffy: You did. I let you down

Angel: Never let me down

Suddenly she heard sirens and saw Giles signalling to the paramedics.

Buffy: The ambulance is here. You're going to be okay, I swear

His eyes went out of focus as he heard people running towards him; he could see Buffy's panicked face and he smiled softly. He was glad she was okay. That was all that mattered. Then his world went black.


	7. Open Your Eyes

White. Everywhere. White. He looked around slowly, his eyes wincing against the bright light. Was this heaven? No. Heaven wouldn't hurt this much. He heard a soft voice from somewhere next to him and turned towards the source. There she was. His goddess.

Buffy: Angel? Can you hear me?

He tried to speak but his voice was hoarse and his mouth dry. He indicated to the water jug and she quickly poured him a cup, lifting it to his mouth as he drank from it. He smiled at her softly.

Angel: Buffy

Faith walked in with a doctor who proceeded to poke Angel seemingly everywhere, reminding him of just how much pain he was in.

Doctor: You were very lucky. The blade didn't puncture any major organs. You should be able to go home next week

Angel: Next week? But –

Buffy: Angel

He sighed in acceptance and lent back against the pillows. He couldn't deny Buffy anything. Not after the way he'd behaved towards her. The others came in to see Angel, then left him and Buffy alone again, where an uncomfortable silence settled.

Angel: Buffy…

Buffy: You don't have to say anything Angel

Angel: No, I do. When you came to see me, I was hurt and angry. Everyone died and I knew it was my fault. I couldn't save them

Buffy: You can't save everyone Angel. They knew the risks when they went into the fight

Angel: It doesn't matter. I should have protected them. Christ I couldn't even save Fred…I didn't want to blame myself and when you came…I guess I used you to try and make myself feel better. I tried to convince myself it was your fault, not mine

Buffy: I should have come earlier

Angel: You didn't know. It wasn't your fault. I said everything I knew would hurt you. I used Nina to get back at you

Buffy: Nina…why isn't she here?

Angel: I haven't seen Nina for over a year

Buffy: But you said –

Angel: I know what I said. And I didn't lie…completely. She was my girlfriend before the fight. Then I gave her tickets telling her to get out of town. I said I'd come and find her afterwards but I couldn't

Buffy: Why not?

Angel: After the way I'd treated you, I knew I didn't deserve her or anybody. She would have made me happy, not perfectly happy, but happy. And I didn't deserve any kind of happiness

Buffy couldn't help but be hurt. Another woman could make Angel happy…jealousy bubbled slightly and she tried to suppress it. It was ridiculous really. Angel left her because he couldn't give her a normal life, then he went and got together with another normal girl, regardless of that.

Angel: What's wrong?

Buffy: It's just…you left me to give me a normal life…and then you start dating another girl? How's that fair?

Angel: She wasn't just a girl. She was a werewolf

Buffy: And I'm a Slayer. Big deal

Angel: Buffy please, let's not go over this again. You know why I left, that's in the past

Buffy: Is it? It's always been between us and it'll never go away until we sort it out

Angel: There's nothing to sort out. I wanted to give you –

Buffy: Angel, stop fooling yourself. We both know the real reason was because you were selfish

Angel: Of course, I was being selfish. I couldn't bear to be around you without touching you and I knew what would happen if I did. Sorry if I didn't want to unleash my evil self on you

Buffy: Angel –

Angel: I didn't want to put you and everyone you loved through hell again, and I pretty much didn't want to turn into a monster. And I knew eventually you'd come to hate me

Buffy: How could I ever hate you?

Angel: We'd be so frustrated we'd argue, I wouldn't be able to take you anywhere you wanted to go, or do anything you wanted to do –

Buffy: All I wanted was you! I didn't want anything else!

Angel: Then. But you were young, you'd change and you'd want more

Buffy: You can't know that!

There was a long silence and Buffy sighed deeply, before looking down.

Angel: See? We can't even spend five minutes alone together now without arguing

Buffy: If you weren't so blind and goddamn self-sacrificing, maybe you'd be able to open your eyes a bit

She grabbed her bag and walked out of the room, leaving Angel to curse himself angrily.


	8. That's A Hell Yes

THREE DAYS LATER

Buffy hadn't been back to see Angel, and he was practically crawling the walls. He wanted to get out, he needed to get out. If he was still a vampire, he'd have healed in a day, instead he was still in pain. Emotionally and physically. He couldn't believe he'd hurt Buffy again. He'd sworn he wouldn't do that when he came to help her and now he had. He felt a familiar bubbling in his stomach and turned to look at the door, seeing Buffy standing there, apprehensively.

Buffy: Hey

Angel: Hey. What –

Buffy: Just let me say what I've got to say, okay?

She walked into the room and stood awkwardly beside his bed, trying to decide the best way to start.

Buffy: Sometimes you drive me crazy. Actually, most of the time. And a lot of the time I don't really like you. But that doesn't change the way I feel about you. Even after all these years I still…No-one's ever compared to you. Riley tried, and I did care about him but…I couldn't bring myself to give all of me to him. Spike was…well…he was a distraction. I needed to feel something and he was there. I cared about him too, but I never loved him. And the Immortal…he was cute and I was attracted to him. But I think the highlight of our relationship was him plotting to kill me

She let out a weak laugh and looked down, embarrassed.

Buffy: You made me feel the way no one else ever has. And no matter how hard I try to forget you, I can't. I'm not gonna lie, I did move on. I had to, I couldn't pine for you my whole life. But when I found out about the battle, I was so scared. I thought something had happened to you and…well, when I got there, the things you said to me hurt me more than anything anyone's ever said to me. Even Angelus. And he said some horrible things. But I knew he didn't have a soul, you did

Angel: Buffy I –

She held up a hand to stop him.

Buffy: When you told me about Nina, I realised how I still felt about you. Do you know how much that hurt me? I was trying to convince myself that you were part of my past, then I found out you'll always be a part of me. And I really thought I'd forgotten, Angel. I've changed a lot since you left. More than you know and in more ways than I'd like to admit. But part of my still hasn't changed. I still love you. I've spent years wishing I didn't still love you, wishing I never loved you, but now I know I wouldn't change those years and moments for anything. When we first met, our first kiss, the night we made love. Those are the best moments of my life, and I know that I want more of those. Angel I want –

Before she could say anything else Angel had sat up straight off the bed, hooked a hand around her neck and pulled her down to his lips. She responded immediately, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissing him tenderly, becoming more passionate at every passing moment. She ran her hands down his back, then pulled away quickly when she felt him wince. She pushed him back against the pillows and sat down facing him, pressing another gentle kiss to his lips.

Buffy: Is that a yes?

Angel: That's a hell yes


	9. Mo Inion

THREE YEARS LATER

Nurse: Come on Buffy, one more push

Buffy: I can't do it, I can't

Angel: Yes you can, you can do it

Buffy: What do you know! You're not the one trying to push something the size of a grapefruit through a tiny hole! You did this to me! I hate you! You're never touching me ever again!

She glared at him out of angry eyes, her face flushed bright red with her exertion and he sat next to her, picking up her hand and tenderly kissing it.

Angel: Ionuin, Sonuachar _(beloved, soulmate) _you're the strongest woman I know. You can do this

Buffy visibly relaxed at the sound of Angel speaking Gaelic. When she had first discovered he could remember a few words, she had immediately insisted that he had to relearn more of it, so he could speak it to her fluently.

She nodded and gripped his hand tightly, groaning slightly as she pushed down hard. Angel gently kissed her hand and whispered encouragingly in Gaelic, urging her on. Eventually a tiny wail could be heard and Buffy relaxed, a few tears running down her face.

Nurse: Congratulations. You have a daughter

She offered the cord to Angel and he cut it, his hand shaking slightly with joy. She quickly wrapped the girl in a pink blanket and handed her to Buffy, who took her eagerly, delighted when her daughter immediately stopped crying and burrowed closer to her, looking up at her out of dark brown eyes. Her father's eyes. Angel eased on to the bed next to her, wrapping an arm around Buffy and tenderly stroking his daughter's cheek with a fingertip.

Angel: Mo Inion _(my daughter. He looked at Buffy tenderly)_ I love you

Buffy: I love you too

She kissed her husband again and pulled her daughter closer to her breast. This was perfect happiness.

The End


End file.
